I have never been able to make any sense of these two statements:
1. "Live your own life, make your own money, and travel," and
2. "Collect before you select."
The first is a mantra that older women pass on to their younger counterparts when they start having significant others. The point (i presume) being - that the girl should stay single and not allow herself to be tied down so she can do her own thing and be happy. Whether or not "travel" implicitly includes having naughty relations with various men from other countries (oooh, those sensuous Frenchmen) is beyond me.
The second declaration is much like the first, although applicable to both boys and girls; that is, that you should "shop around" and date people of different shapes, sizes, and dispositions so that you're exposed to the whole spectrum of relationships before you decide what's best for you. After all, it's impossible to know that you're "meant for" somebody if you haven't even tried the competition yet.
Well -
Half my lifetime ago, when my girlfriend and i first got together, naysayers left and right tried to blast the idea to bits. Different permutations of the above statements were thrown around and psychological warfare was declared. Essentially, we were told (and compelled in not-so-subtle ways) to cease and desist. The underpinning philosophy was that fourteen-year-old kids are not expected to understand their budding emotions, that it was easy to mistake a crush for True Love, etc. - essentially, that we were doing THE WRONG THING.
Of course, being the antipatiko that i am, i brushed them off my shoulder (not enough room for both them and that big chip there) and did things my own way. Making the long story short: although it was not a straight shot from there to here, my girlfriend and i stayed together through thick and thin, went against the "wisdom" of our elders, and never got it on with other people.
The end result? Now we're happily married.
Before we got together, we seldom used to go out (no interest, no money). Then we became an item and the whole world just came ALIVE; we started going out at night, discovered strange food in out-of-the-way restaurants (including turo-turo), watched plays and movies (we're not much for clubbing) and just overall had a grand old time.
When we were single, we never used to travel for pleasure (too much work, not enough inclination). Now we plan vacations together and explore every nook and cranny of this strange and wonderful world hand-in-hand.
Back when i was much, much younger, i mused about the future with a sense of impending doom, wondering what the days ahead would bring. Now i look forward to living and loving every single day with my wife and One True Love, flying off and disappearing into the wild blue yonder.
There is no solitary way to live a life; no simple declaration that can teach you how to conduct relationships, no single piece of all-encompassing advice that can guarantee happiness. No one should be able to force-feed a cliche down your throat and tell you that this is the way it should be! We've spent half our lives proving that. Still, there will be cynics out there who will look at my marriage with disdain and say that i settled too early, that i should have looked around more, that i don't know what i'm missing because i boxed myself in.
But somehow, lying beside my wife at night, watching her sleep and feeling a little firecracker of love go off in my heart whenever i think of our lives together and all the days, weeks, and years we have left to spend with each other - i know i was right.
